Permission Granted

"Mommy, can have a friend spend the night?"


"Momma, can I stay out past curfew?"


"Mom, can I have another cookie?"


I spend all day granting permissions of one sort or another. My kindergartner wants to watch cartoons. My teenagers desire a trip to the mall. My elementary student wants to enroll in a new activity. Although my answer isn't always yes, every permission I grant requires my participation in some way.

A trip to Target to procure the friend's birthday gift.


A late night of waiting for my driver girl to return home.


An emergency batch of laundry to wash the swim suit. 


Why is permission so easy to grant to my kids and so difficult to give myself?


We need to learn to give ourselves permission.


Permission to step away and into the presence of God.


Permission to turn on cartoons so we can turn to the Word of God.


Permission to hang a "Do Not Disturb" sign across our heart so we focus our thoughts on Him.


Here's the thing with permission. It requires our participation. Friend, give yourself permission today. Allow yourself to slip away into the arms of the One who holds you up through the flurry of other permissions in your life.


What do you need to grant yourself permission to do today?

Fill Her Up, Please

The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.

Psalm 126:3

When I was a single mom, my tank ran on perpetual empty. A lack of funds coupled with a lack of time equaled many prayers uttered over gasoline. I can not begin to count the number of times I coasted into a station on fumes and prayer.


My car isn't the only part of me that used to run on empty. For much of my life, my heart ran on empty toward anything and anyone I thought could fill it. When we have a lack, we long to quench our emptiness.

In my post I mention my Handsome Daddy -
Here he is with my Mom on their 50th wedding anniversary
June 11, 2011

I wrote about this today at Keeping It Personal. Won't you join me there today as we find love full-filled? Fill her up, please!

Transforming Prayer - Lord Change Me

Welcome to a new Tuesday series - Life Transforming Prayer. For the next eight weeks we will look at eight areas of life and the single sentence prayers that radically transformed my life. Are you tired of an unsatisfying marriage? Does your health reveal inner struggle? Do struggles in relationships gnaw at your joy? 

Then this series is for you (and me!) Join me for this thrilling journey as we tap into the power of single sentence prayers. Fasten your seat belts...new life awaits!

_______________________

Each one should test his own actions.

Galatians 6:4

I blubbered my way down my first aisle. Deep within I knew a colossal mistake waited at the other end. Eight years of striving in my own power led to divorce.


That second walk down the aisle was not taken without thought and prayer. The love I felt for my new husband made my prior marriage look like puppies were exchanging vows. I was certain. I was resolved. I was invincible.


I was wrong.


My second marriage wasn't much easier than my first. About a year in we faced our first marriage trial. Stress nibbled at our foundation. My husband's flaws surfaced with every bite. 


I knew if he would change, I would be happy.


Out of sheer desperation, I began to take long walks with God. Every step surfaced a new complaint. I could cover miles with the imagined short-comings of my spouse.


One ordinary walk, I felt the tug of God to stop talking about him...and start talking about me. Only I couldn't see my own faults. Scott's grace-filled heart wasn't listing mine. I didn't even know where to start.


I muttered the only prayer I could conceive.


Lord, change me.


Step by step, walk by walk, week by week, God transformed my heart. Heart change led to life change. Grace conquered criticism. Mercy triumphed nagging. Compassion covered callousness. 


Some things about my husband did in time change. Some things did not. The temperature and tone of our marriage set by my thermometer did. My heart warmed to his. 


Lord, change me.


Do you dare to pray it? A renewed, revitalized marriage will be your reward.

Mirror, Mirror

And we all reflect the Lord's glory.

2 Corinthians 3:18

Let's face it. My four little sweeties reflect their mom.


When they get good grades, they reflect my intelligence.


When they get a lower one, they reflect my tendency to procrastinate.


When they make healthy eating choices, they reflect my dedication to fitness.


When they reach for one too many cookies, they reflect my tendency toward impulsiveness.


Do you struggle with the reflection your kids portray of you? I wrote about this today at A Pastor's Wives Garden. Don't let the blog name scare you, there's hope for every parent there today. Join me?

Random? Acts of Kindness

Whatever you did for one of the least of these...you did for me.

Matthew 25:40

In 2002 my life lost all sense of direction and control. I started the year married. I ended it a single mom to two young daughters. 


I longed for security. I craved boundaries. I was distant from God so I drew them myself in the form of a little black binder.

I organized my scattered life into notebook. There held my groceries lists, my credit cards, cash, my agenda, my travel necessities and even stamps and note cards. I could literally live weeks on end with access to nothing but my little black rectangular prism of safety.


As a single mom, weekends encompasses the sum total of quality time I had to offer my kids. One Saturday morning we headed out for an "adventure" - translation: A trip to the bank to get the month's cash and then to Walmart.


I was uber prepared. My notebook contained my to do list, my household needs, my groceries and upcoming school projects. In less than an hour I had procured everything necessary to keep my life running as smooth and easy as possible.


I smiled as I pulled out of the parking lot, proud of the strong, independent woman I'd become. My grin vaporized into terror when I realized I'd left my "life" on the back bumper of my car. A quick stop at a gas station confirmed my suspicion, my binder was lost.


Waves of fear and nausea passed through me. I had no one in Jacksonville. My whole system of fortifying myself to face life as a single mom had vanished. I called out to the only Source of hope I knew. Though we weren't exactly on speaking terms, I asked God for help.


Within an hour my phone rang. A friendly voice informed me he'd found my binder and wanted to return it. I'd watched enough Lifetime movies to know to arrange to meet the creep in public. A nearby grocery store was appointed.


Thirty minutes later a man with kind eyes and a woman who perpetually wore a smile drove up to my car. They told me how thankful they were to make contact with me. They were Christians and so grateful to be able to return my property to me.


I smiled, sincerely thanked them and secretly expected to find my file considerably lightened of cash. Every penny was inside.


The term random acts of kindness has long been used to describe the actions of a couple like this. I'm a huge fan of them myself. I enjoy paying for the coffee of the car behind me, stopping to help a mom with an infant or gathering the newspaper for a friend. 


But are a Christ-follower's kindnesses truly random?


If you've ever stopped to help a stranger, you felt the nudge in your heart. What even made you notice the person? Didn't God have to first illuminate your eyes? 


What if we stopped thinking of kindness as random and began to tune into the tug of God? Random would become intentional. Kindness would become a lifestyle. Random acts of kindness would transform into intentional living.


What is one thing you can do dial your heart to God's today as an intentional giver of kindness?

Saddle Up

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.

Hebrews 11:8

Sherwood Elementary

We lived in Sherwood Forest on Robin Hood Drive. Our subdivision in a small bedroom community outside Seattle, cradled adventure behind every tree. My brother and I were determined to take part.


Our adventuring hearts ultimately landed my mom in the principal's office of Sherwood Elementary. Though the principal is the highest ranking official in the life of young kids, we didn't let him snatch our fun. While our mom discussed some issue around behavior, we behaved like a couple of bandits. 


Sherwood protrudes from a large hill as an unsightly profile shot - a hill steep enough to guarantee fun. Still small enough to sit in a stroller, my brother repeatedly raced to the top of the hill, let my stroller go and let me barrel down as he galloped behind to catch me. I sometimes wonder if that were the precise moment I gave my heart unreservedly to adventure. I was made to be a Robin Hood...or at least a Maid Marion.


You can determine if you have Robin's heart with this simple test. If your spouse came home tonight, told you to pack a bag in ten minutes because your flight to Paris leaves in an hour would you squeal with delight or shake with fright? But what if I told you God has planted His heart of adventure in every one of us?


Faith is the ultimate adventure. God asks every one of us to saddle up and ride into the forest of faith. Behind every tree and down every hill are new thrills. Whether our natural bent is to ride or hide, we need to embrace the adventure of faith. 


The fathers of our faith left us trail markers to follow. Their footprint was faith in action. Yes some, like Moses, questioned their ability. Others, like David, occasionally wandered off the marked trail. All followed God on an incredible adventure.


What is the most thrilling thing God could ask you to do? What is the most terrifying? Surprisingly they might be one in the same. Are you ready to saddle up?

(If you're reading this over email, visit ShannonMilholland.com to view the music video to "The Great Adventure" by Steven Curtis Chapman)

Marriage is a Marathon

It was Mother's Day 2003. I wasn't really expecting a present from Scott. We weren't engaged. We weren't married. And I certainly wasn't yet the mother of his children. 

The package was simple in its presentation yet extravagant in its impact. The words Marathoning for Mortals blinked back at me. Mortal definitely described me. 

Often picked last in PE, I never believe I could run to the end of the block let alone mile after mile. My then boyfriend, saw an unexposed dream tucked in my heart. I wanted to run a marathon. I wanted to believe an unathletic, uncoordinated, ordinary single mom of two could run 26.2 miles.

Life happened. We got engaged. We got married. I bore two more daughters. 

Nearly ten years later I finally cracked the spine. Reading this book has been a delicious morsel of how-to and you-can. Every bite has tasted like inspiration.

As great as this book is as a marathon training guide, and I do highly recommend it, digesting it has reminded me of a different marathon - marriage. Each of Bingham and Hadfield's sections has called to my heart as a wife.

Getting Started

Even though we dated two years, Scott and I weren't entirely sure we were ready to marry. Divorce carves caverns of reluctance into your heart. Could two "marriage flunkies" really make it? We have and we will because as we got started we invited God into the center of our marriage.

Training

Just as long distance running requires a daily regimen of rest, cross-training, miles and nutrition, marriage requires daily care. Marriage needs rest - moments of quiet reflection on a walk, in bed or over coffee. Marriage needs cross-training - I need to do my other priorities well to maximize my life with my spouse. Marriage needs miles - marriage is a day in, day out commitment. As I log miles of encouragement, love and tenderness my heart becomes better trained for the distance. Marriage needs nutrition - I need to feed my marriage time and attention.

The Toolbox

Like a casual runner who leaps from a 5-K to a half-marathon in a week, some marriage issues get too big for just the couple to handle. In our toolbox, we need to pack mentors, counselors and resources. A mentor couple can smooth out the bumpy road of marriage. Counselors can help us around unexpected bends. Resources like seminars, books and Bible studies can keep us off relationship-breaking concrete and allow us to run on the cushion of wisdom.

Game Face

The best time to prepare for marital strife is before it occurs. When we pray together as a couple, invite God into our marriage and live according to Biblical guidelines, our marital game face is secure.

John "The Penguin" Bingham &
Coach Jenny Hadfield,
co-authors of "Marathoning for Mortals"

Training Plans

Just as a runner can't peel off 26.2 miles without a plan, neither can we experience success in marriage without a plan. We need to make a plan together. How often will we date? What time will we spend together each day? How will we stay emotionally connected? All these questions and more need to be addressed in our mutually agreed upon marriage training plan.

Thank you, John Bingham and Jenny Hadfield, for your book. I will run my first marathon December 1st. I will be better prepared because you so kindly shared your wisdom. But I will also be more prepared to run one of the most important races of my life - the one that begins with "I do" and ends with "death us do part".