Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.
James 3:18
My husband pursues conflict. I avoid it. His style is straight forward and direct. Mine is evasive.
I knew early on in our marriage, we would struggle if I didn't learn how to effectively have conflict with my spouse. I had to acknowledge that peacemaking wasn't the absence of conflict it was the ability to work through conflict to a resolution. Committed to the process, I adopted three strategies to aid in the conflict process.
Time
I wake first thing in the morning ready to engage. My hubby drinks the morning in slowly over coffee. If I chose the first moments of my day for discussion, it would be poorly timed. The timing of a talk needs to happen when you are both alert and engaged. For us that's often when we are alone on a walk just after dinner or perhaps while running mid-morning.
Tone
Much of the time I have an even, pleasant tone when interacting with my family. However, conflict tends to make me silent or overly combative. My hubby wants to interact with his spouse - the usual one. I need to select a tone that matches my love and commitment to him. So silence or anger are out.
Temperament
If I'm feeling grouchy it's not a good time to having a serious discussion. Scott and I adhere to the HALTS principle. If we're hungry, angry, lonely, tired or sick, our temperament is not suited to conflict. Our time will be more effective if we wait until we are on the even keel.
What are some conflict management techniques that have worked for you? Share yours in a comment below!
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Hi Shannon - such great advice
ReplyDeleteGod bless
Tracy
Thanks, Tracy. I learned it the hard way - by experience! ha!
DeleteThis is so funny. My husband and I are flipped. It's hard imaging him in a courtroom trying cases because he is soooo anti-conflict and reserv. Boy, after we learn these critical things about ourselves and our husbands, things tend to go so much smoother, don't you think?
ReplyDeleteOh Kelli you're so right. It gets WAY smoother when you learn how to relate in a way that honors your spouse.
DeleteGreat advice. I would add that we pray together out loud every day. It helps!
ReplyDeleteLyli, that is such a beautiful habit. We don't manage to do it every day but when we do it's POWERFUL!
DeleteWhat great advice Shannon! My husband and I are similar, only I'm the combative one and he's the silent one. We've had to learn some of the same lessons and we're still working on it for sure.
ReplyDeleteBeck, I can not imagine you being combative. You're such a sweetheart!
DeleteExcellent Sister shannon, :)
ReplyDeleteMay God's Spirit rest on us as we continue to learn this marriage thing. Thanks for sharing! ~ Blessings, Amy
I seriously don't know how I would make it through my marriage without God's help, do you?
DeleteHi, your blog really touches me, have been reading it for a while... Just wanted you to know about a website i started ReadYourBiblesChurch.com... It's a place for Bible study guides.. I also put a forum in that can be viewed from a mobile device.. I couldn't find where to contact you privately so I'm commenting, hope that is okay. :) God Bless!
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining the journey with me! I'm so excited to hear about your website. Studying God's word is so important and love that you have a heart for helping others dig in.
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