His Presence Overcomes

He holds victory in store for the upright,

he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,

for he guards the course of the just

and protects the way of his faithful ones.

Proverbs 2:7-8

We've taken a long journey toward emotional well-being. We've discovered the benefit of getting moving. We've fed our minds and even gotten to know ourselves better. But there is one more vital step to becoming emotionally well. We must overcome difficulty.

Overcoming isn't a matter of the size of my struggle.

Overcoming isn't influenced by the number of my problems.

My ability to overcome is correlated with only one thing - how quickly and how decidedly I invite His presence into my struggle.

I cannot forgive outside the design of the Architect of forgiveness. (Want to tweet that? Click here --> http://clicktotweet.com/cbtfb)

I cannot heal without the care of the Great Physician.

I cannot experience peace beyond the presence of the Prince of Peace.

I do not know how big your battle has been. I don't know how deep your wounds cut. I only know His presence will make the difference.

How could inviting God's presence into your struggle transform your life?
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Today I'm visiting with a friend, Angela Mackey of Rethinking My Thinking. We're talking about a baby...who changes everything. For more hope and encouragement on experiencing change in the struggle in your life, head over and visit us both: http://rethinkingmythinking.info/2012/11/a-baby-changes-things/

Distracted Driving

Whether you turn to the right or the left, 

your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 

"This is the way; walk in it."

Isaiah 30:21

With four kids, no cell phone is required to ensure I am a distracted driver. Even on the rare occasion I'm alone in the car, I tend to be distracted. 

I order and eat fast food.

I get drive through coffee.

I apply cuticle oil to my nails.

I file my nails.

I brush my hair.

I apply makeup.

Yes. I am that driver. 

I was driving along this morning programming the GPS, fixing my pony tail and retrieving something from the floor board when it occurred to me the car isn't the only place in my life where distracted driving plagues me. 

I lose spiritual focus just as easily.

God whispers the way but His voice gets drowned out by the honking of the urgent. Have you ever arrived at your destination with no recollection of the trip that got you there? It is just as easy to begin making turns in life and wonder how you ended up at your particular destination.

If I don't want to meander through life spiritually, I need to eliminate some distractions. 

No Makeup Required - I need to stop covering my blemishes with makeup on the drive of life. Humility goes a long way toward hearing God's quiet whispers. When I readily admit my shortcomings, He shortens the path of coming to Him. (You might want to tweet that! --> http://clicktotweet.com/4U7TI)

Put Down the Hair Brush - Sometimes I try to tug until I work out my own knots. Working in my strength bullhorns the voice of God but relying totally on Him clears communication. I need to put down the hair brush and lean on Him to work out the knots in my life.

No More Drive Through - Just as fast food is rarely the best choice for my body, a fast-paced life is not the best choice for my spirit. I need to slow down to hear God's voice. When I move at His pace, I regain spiritual focus.

I don't want to swerve around to the left or the right. I want to hear the whisper of the One who knows the way. This is the way...walk (or drive) in it.

The Behavior of Belonging

O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, 

for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago.

Isaiah 25:1

"When I marry, Milholland will become my middle name, right Mommy?" piped up my seven year old last week. 

"Yes, honey, just like Mommy you will get a new name when you get married."

Clara then proceeded trying out the last name of every boy she knows that she finds even remotely appealing. Suddenly some of these boys became more or less attractive on the sole basis of how good their last name sounded with her first. This little exercise reminded me of the time in college when I met a very handsome, friendly and godly young man whom I repelled the second I found out his last name was Shannon. There was absolutely no way I was going through life as a perpetual stutter. 

Hi. I'm Shannon Shannon.

That was definitely NOT going to work for me. 

But eventually I did find a name that fit and not because it sounded good with Shannon (although I think it kind of does). It fit because I was inspired by the one who bore that name. He is my guy and I want to be a credit to his name. I belong to him and he belongs to me. 

Belonging should influence my behavior. 

Because my children are mine, I give them grace.

Because my husband is mine, I speak kindly about him.

Because my friend is mine, I keep her confidence.

But the truth is I'm not always a credit to my husband's name. Sometimes I undermine his authority with our kids. Or I overspend even when I know better. Or I tell a story better left unsaid because I want the laugh more than I want him to feel respected. My track record isn't spotless in my other relationships either.

And sometimes I'm not the one who does a poor job at belonging.

You give your child the very best of your heart and home, only to have him walk away from it and not return.

You give your spouse the best years of your life, only to have her leave you.

You give your friend your time, only to have her take advantage of your kindness.

So how can I allow belonging to influence my behavior? By relying on His perfect faithfulness. When I glorify His name, He gives my mind patience to deal with another request from my kids. When I exalt Him, He gives my heart room to love my husband another day. When I adore him, He me the confidence to be a better friend.

O Lord, You are my God. When I choose Him, I choose faithfulness. Belonging influences my behavior.

Less Than Thanksgiving

Loneliness stole my energy as stabbed my heart. It was the first time I’d been away from my kids since my August divorce. They were headed for a week to see their dad. They needed to be there. It was the right thing for them but their absence left a space not just in my home. It cratered my heart.

It was the day after Christmas. I was supposed to still be making merry. I made a box of Scooby Doo Mac-n-cheese instead.

Does the expectation to face the holidays with gladness and cheer ever drag you down?

The reality is holidays can be draining.

They remind us of loved ones whose absence leaves us longing.
They throw us together with difficult personalities.
They slap us with the reality of fractured relationships.

So how can we find joy, when glad tidings threaten to take us down the drain? I found my answer in Psalm 95.

¹ Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;

let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
² Let us come before him with thanksgiving
and extol him with music and song.

³ For the Lord is the great God,
the great King above all gods.
⁴ In his hand are the depths of the earth,
and the mountain peaks belong to him.

⁵ The sea is his, for he made it,
and his hands formed the dry land.

⁶ Come, let us bow down in worship,
let us kneel before the Lord our Maker;
⁷ for he is our God
and we are the people of his pasture,
the flock under his care

This passage instructs my heart to engage with God in three specific ways:

Through Music (Verse 2) – God designed our souls to be moved by music. Melodies move our hearts toward His. Harmonies head our mind in His direction. Turn on some music and you’ll turn off negative thoughts.

Through Creation (Verses 4-5) – God’s handiwork calls to God’s unique imprint on each one of us. No matter how cold it is outside, something changes within us when get out in the world God made. Move out under His canopy and get enveloped in His love.

Through Worship (Verse 6) – Worship turns our sight from us to Him. It dials our hearts from the present to His presence. Exclaim His greatness and suddenly your problems seem small.

Come before Him with thanksgiving and Thanksgiving and will find you.

True Friends Make Me Truly Thankful

Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.

1 Samuel 18:1

I'm penning this post at 3:00 am. Whenever I'm up in the middle of the night like this I think about crises even if I'm not having one. I ponder whom I could call if I needed someone to come stay with my kids if I had to rush to the hospital. I contemplate who would be first to volunteer their help if Scott's cancer returned. I wonder who loves me enough to gently unveil the current growth opportunities in my life.

Most of us have very few people we could count in those categories but friends like these - true friends - are absolutely essential for our emotional well-being. Forging deep friendship was my second to last step on my journey to emotional health. 

Because I moved around frequently both as a child and an adult, it's been difficult for me to foster lasting, meaningful relationships. It seemed like too much investment for a short time period and it was easier to guard my heart than risk getting heart. But I wasn't well until I had heartfelt friends with whom I could share my faults, failures and finer features. I, like all of us, needed people to know the authentic me.

...The one who's really a kid at heart.

...The one with a quick but albeit not always appropriate comeback.

...The one who enjoys working nerdy logic problems.

Today, among so many other blessings, I am thankful for true friends. You have taught me about myself. You have been God's healing hands. You have stood by me through extraordinary circumstances, mood swings and moves.

For you I am truly thankful. Happy Thanksgiving to you! Whom are you thankful for today?

Remote Control

You have made your way around this hill country long enough; 

now turn north.

Deuteronomy 2:3

As women our controlling tendencies can crop up before we can even tie our shoes. 

Like one of Carynne's best friends about whom her mom said, 'Avery is a really bossy "teacher". Nobody gets skittles. Everybody gets yelled at. And everybody gets told that they need to "think about their attitude".' Or my oldest, Hannah, who named her first baby doll no-no probably because those are the words she heard me say most frequently.

I wouldn't have called myself controlling. I'd have called it something more palatable like driven or high-achieving but when I took my friend, Karen Ehman's, "Are You Controlling?" quiz in her new book Let. It. Go., I scored way higher than I wanted to. I'm a girl who loves to ace a test and get gold star on my paper but that was one test I was hoping to fail...

You might not consider yourself controlling either but here's a couple descriptions of the softer, subtler side of control you might want to ponder (summarized from Let. It. Go.):

The Soft Spoken Saint  - This girl rarely says no and she won't let you down. She's super kind and someone on whom others both rely and feel they owe something to. She quietly controls others with her kindness.

The Enabler - She is her kids backup plan for forgotten lunches and papers and they call on her to do so regularly. She finds herself excusing the behavior of her kids and smoothing things over in her relationships both in the house and out in the community. She wants her family to have a good reputation and image control is her key to obtaining it.

The Victim or Martyr - She will let you know what she wants with subtle pouts and sighs. Her facial expression is sunny 99% of the time. You know you're in trouble when it's overcast at home. Because she's usually so upbeat, she gets her way with even slightest threat of bad weather.

The People Pleaser - She sees the best in other people and let's them know it. She listens carefully to know what is expected of her and will say the right thing in any situation. She's the most well-spoken-of person on staff or the PTA or in your Bible Study. Because she's so well liked, others do what she requests with no questions asked.

I thought I wasn't controlling but I saw myself in all four of these. I am more of what I'll call a remote controller. I'm not all up right in front of the television changing the channel for all to see, I'm quietly pushing the buttons and no one (often including me) even knows it.

As stated in today's scripture, I've circled this mountain long enough. It's time for me to turn north. I need a different Remote Control. My kids, hubby and friends need me to let go so God can step in to do what only He's qualified to do - run my life. So today I'm going to pry the fingers from the remote control and give Him control but I'm also going to implement the godly wisdom Karen so freely shared in her book. 

Want to join me on the road to freedom as we stop running the show and start walking in faith? Share a comment below and enter to win a FREE copy of Karen's book as well as be entered to win a Kindle Fire!

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Want another chance to win a Kindle Fire? Sign up for Karen's 5 day Let.It.Go. Christmas Challenge. Get more info here: http://www.karenehman.com/from-chaos-to-calm-the-let-it-go-christmas-challenge/

When My Heart Finds Christmas

Behold, wise men from the east came to Jerusalem, saying, 

“Where is he who has been born king of the Jews? 

For we saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.”

Matthew 2:1-2 (ESV)

I'm one of those people.

I sometimes buy my kids Christmas Eve pajamas on sale in January.
I'm on the prowl for stocking stuffers in March.
I search for bargains any month that will have me.

I have a Christmas app on my phone so there's rarely a time when I'm not planning, shopping or tracking my Christmas purchases. Besides Christmas, we have four family birthdays spaced out at two week increments around the holidays so the majority of our gift giving expense hits in a relatively short period of time. My strategy to compensate is to purchase gifts all year long.

I'm constantly on the hunt for that unique item my kids won't expect.
I'm consistently on the lookout for something that will really bless my hubby.
I look for Christmas all year long.

When I was in college, I was completely smitten with Harry Connick, Jr. and his smooth crooner's voice. I saw him in concert multiple times. I purchased every album he put out but my most cherished were his Christmas tunes. My favorite, When My Heart Finds Christmas, declares his shared love for the holiday. He's looking for Christmas and finds it in his love. 

I look for Christmas all year long but I don't really find it until I, like the wise men, look for Jesus. When my heart finds Christmas, my heart finds LOVE.

Have you been on the hunt for a special gift this season? Why not give yourself a gift by looking for Him?
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In case you've never sampled the delight, here's the video to Harry Connick Jr.'s When My Heart Finds Christmas. At the time, I wished he would look for me. He found a Victoria Secrets model instead!