Marriage Puts You in a Compromising Position

And the two will become one.

Matthew 19:5

On 6/5/4 at 3 in the afternoon 2 became 1. 


I had been single two years when I whispered "I do" for the second time. I enjoyed evenings to myself, sole control of the remote and meals cooked for one. There was a beautiful simplicity to my life as a single mom. By simplicity I mean selfishness.


When I remarried I had to learn all over again to compromise.


Just yesterday morning Clara and Carynne were "discussing" what to watch on tv. I suggested they compromise and received a blank return. They had no idea what I was talking about. 


The real question was did I?


Have you ever thought about compromise in the context of your marriage? When you compromise with your spouse, you co-promise. You reaffirm your love and loyalty to your spouse by demonstrating your willingness to give up your rights or position for the benefit of the relationship.


There are three areas in which marital compromise is necessary for maximum unity:

Time

He could stay up to midnight. I turn into a pumpkin just after nine pm. To develop intimacy in our marriage, we need time together. I don't succeed every night but I certainly attempt to meet him in the middle on our natural body clocks.

Some days I plan a nap so I'll have more energy at night. Other times I suggest an evening walk to make certain we connect before I fizzle but regardless I compromise when it comes to time. (And I get the good end of the deal...weekly dates with my sweetheart!)

Preferences

I do not like wind blowing on my body at night. The ceiling fan gives me a scratchy throat and chills me to the bone even in the middle of summer. I can choose to complain about the ceiling fan every day for the rest of my life or I can choose to accommodate my spouse's preference.

I dress like our bedroom is an igloo. Choosing his preferences over mine in this area allows me to compromise. (And I still get the good end of the deal...sole control over the remote!)

Activities

There is nothing I like more than rising early on a Saturday morning, making a long list of things to accomplish, achieve or adventure and then doing them. My hubby slides into his Saturday on the back of a turtle. He wants an easy does it approach to Saturday mornings.

I choose to leave him alone and let him have these hours to relax and recharge. (And I still get the good end of the deal...he runs with me early in the morning!)

Even after eight years together, I want to reaffirm my love for my hubby by co-promising daily. Our marriage started like the countdown to a launch 6-5-4-3-2-1. To keep it in orbit will require us both to allow our marriage to put us in a compromising position.

What can you compromise to punctuate your relationship with a co-promise today?
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You can find out more details here: http://www.momtobedby8.com/2012/05/ipad3-2.html

Road Runner: It's a Calling

Jesus went through all the towns and villages...

Matthew 9:35

The road called to me from the wonderland of sleep. I could hear the invitation to join her. She was there waiting. Beckoning. Entreating.


As the haze of sleep lifted, my heart danced. The road hadn't been calling my name. It was the voice of the One who always goes where His people are. My soul was longing to get out on the road and run to connect with God.


As the miles multiplied, so did my revelation. I realized I wasn't just on a run for the fitness of my body. I was running for the fitness of my heart.


As I ran...


I saw Muslims out for a morning stroll. Jesus wants me out where the nations walk.


I saw evidence of teens who drank too much the previous night. Jesus wants me on the street where hurting hearts attempt to fill their need for God with poor substitutes.


I saw my husband who ran at my side. Jesus wants me on the road where my heart seals itself to my husband's with every stride.


The thing is it's less frightening to stay inside my home than to interact with people I don't entirely understand. It's more convenient to chat with the teens that come to me than to seek out ones who never would. It's natural to meet my own needs and leave my husband behind at home.


Jesus went where the people were. He didn't wait for people to come to Him. God invites us to join Him in His work. To come alongside Him we must go where He is. He is out on the road where the people are.


Is the road calling to your name this morning? What is one way you could join God out on the road today?

(If you're reading this over email, be sure and visit ShannonMilholland.com to watch the video of Trevor Morgan singing "Jesus Rides the Subway".)

Are You a Preschool Pack Mom?

They're Thankful I
Figured it Out!

Pack mentality is the kind of thinking one should be freed from about the time the mortarboard get thrown in the air. The pack followed me into parenting. I was bombarded with information about schooling, activities and schedules. It was all to easy to follow the herd whether they were grazing at the soccer field or on the dance floor.


Eventually I broke away from the pack and my parenting success soared as a result. Want to know how to break away from the pack? Join me at WikiMommy and find out. I'm featured there this month.

Let God Shatter the Silence

Isn't he handsome?

He's been counting down the days for months and frankly we have too. My nephew, Dylan, is coming for his annual week-long visit. While he's here we'll go to "Bible Land" as he calls it. You might refer to it as VBS but Dylan has a unique way of naming things.


Dylan was diagnosed with autism 14 years ago. Maybe your son, grandson or good friend's child has just received the same and you're wondering if there's hope. I'm a guest today at Encouragement Cafe. I'd like to invite you to visit there and read a bit of Dylan's story. 


Let God shatter the silence.

Does Fear Have a Finger on You?

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 34:4

The summer of 1980, Fish might have been a more appropriate name for me than Shannon. In fact, my family of origin calls my Shanny, which happens to be a type of fish so perhaps I was destined for the water. 

Me at 10 -
Please take note of my
super foxy Dr. Seuss suit!

Long days were spent at my town's public swimming pool. I thought my mom was the coolest because we had a membership, a snack bar account and she would drop me off unsupervised. I could swim, tan and chat with friends for as many hours as I wanted. To my ten year old brain, I'd landed in heaven. 


One ordinary afternoon as I plunged to the bottom of the pool, my jaw locked in the mouth open position. A tsunami of terror flooded my water logged heart. Putting my face in the water lost much of its allure that day.


Fish became a Fraidy Cat.


A year in high school of the oh-so-attractive head gear corrected my jaw alignment. I still didn't put my face in the water.


In college, I was placed in the lowest swimming group. I still didn't put my face in the water.


Just last Sunday I swam laps for an hour in our community pool. I used the back stroke and side stroke exclusively so I didn't have to put my face in the water.


No fear remains in my heart but I have allowed fear's fingers to shape my behavior.


Does fear have a finger on you?


It's possible to overcome a fear of commitment and yet remain non-committal.


It's feasible to conquer a fear of abandonment and still tend toward isolation.


It's likely to beat a fear of the unknown and continue to avoid new places and people.


Fear can finger us long after we think we've grown beyond its' reach. Next Sunday I'll return to our community pool for another hour's swim. I've already decided to live beyond fear's reach. I will rely on Him as I swim. In His strength I will swim with my face in the water. I will swim because as I pass through the water, He will be with me. (Isaiah 43:2)


Does fear have a finger on you? How could His hand free you from fear's finger?

When my Heart Calls Speak Different Languages

Now the whole world had one language and a common speech. They said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered over the face of the whole earth.”

But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower that the men were building. The Lord said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.”

So the Lord scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city. That is why it was called Babel—because there the Lord confused the language of the whole world. From there the Lord scattered them over the face of the whole earth.

Genesis 11:1-9

The girls in 2010 as Construction Workers.

"Mommy, I want to be fire fighter girl, a hair cutter girl and a swimming helper girl. I'll just do a different job every day of the week. That will work, right?"


If only life were that simple. My life as a wife, mom, house keeper, lover, cook, speaker, chauffeur, organizer, runner, party planner, writer, technology guru... feels like a jumbled mess of competing priorities some days. Just as Carynne hears the whispers of her heart to a variety of interests, I long to fill my various roles with enthusiasm and excellence. 


Life is complicated.


My desire to spend time with my husband wars with my need to live in a relatively straight house.


My longing to be physically intimate with him battles with my need to sleep. 


My hope to pour laughter and life into my daughters' days takes up arms against my need for the quiet necessary to exercise my gift of writing.


Sometimes I feel like the calls of my heart speak a hundred different languages. It reminds of the Old Testament account of the Tower of Babel. What a surprise it must have been to Babel's occupants when suddenly they could no longer understand each other.


As I child I missed the importance of why God intervened in their linguistics. Without it, they had no need of Him.


If my days were all easy, organized and check list perfect, I would have no need of Him. My heart speaks different languages so I will seek the One who interprets every emotion and encounter. 


In Babel, He may have scattered the people across the earth. But in my language confusion He gathers my heart to His. This moment I may be a writer. The next I might be counselor, comforter or cook. My life is complicated. My heart calls speak different languages but the Interpreter is always with me. My heart has no need for confusion.


What priority friction causes you the most angst? How could God interpret your priorities today and allow your heart to speak one language - love?

Compassion Conquers Comparisons

Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.

Psalm 103:4

Handsome didn't begin to describe my youth group crush. All sense and strength drained from my body any time he entered the room. I tried to play it cool as my stomach played hockey. He was crossing the room with a bead on me.


"Do you want to go driving after?" 


What girl could resist such romance? I tried to offer a non-committal, "Sure," but knew my eyes likely betrayed my excitement. I must have counted to sixty a thousand times before he headed for the door. I sheepishly followed after.


He was one of those cool guys with a cool car built for two but with a minuscule back seat in which one could squeeze on an emergency basis only. Another girl was already standing by my car. What in the world was this? He asked me out.


When Mr. Dreamy arrived at his stud-mobile, he offered the cramped back seat to me and the prime real estate to Miss Moving-in-on-my-Man. A short drive later we were at the Alabama equivalent to Happy Days' Inspiration Point.


I was ordered out of the car. I sat on the back bumper as the windows fogged and the bumper began a rhythmic, albeit short-lived dance.


Humiliation seeped out and shrouded me in shame. 


I was nothing but a cover for Mr. Dreamy to pursue the girl he found worthy. I wasn't her. I was passed over. Unnoticed. Tossed aside.


I immediately drew comparisons between myself and Miss Shannon-You-Never-Had-a-Chance. She was well endowed; I wore two deflated balloons. She was flirtatious and fun; I was studious and serious. 


Do you ever draw comparisons between yourself and others?


When you see a mom with well-behaved children do you secretly wish you were less fun and more of a disciplinarian?


When you see a man who advanced quickly in his career do you try to guess the recipe of his success?


Comparisons are a losing proposition. We see the finish line not the pit stops along the way.


The woman with so-called perfect children may have pit stops such as kids who lack confidence, assertiveness and decision-making skills.


The man with the fast track may have pit stops such as compromising his values or ignoring his wife and kids.


Miss Chesty had many pit stops along the route of her life. They weren't pretty. They weren't desirable. They were tragic. 


A moment I thought of as humiliation was actually a crown of God's compassion and love. My purity was saved for another day. Eventually I would learn I didn't need a man to certify my beauty. I allowed the One who still inspires me to pull my life from the pit. He shrouded me in love and compassion. He compared me to no one and loved me exactly as He designed. His compassion conquered my comparisons. 


Have you ever been in the pit of comparison? How could God's love and compassion pull you out today?