Spit That Out!

You will go out in joy  and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. 

Isaiah 55:12

Working my frustration of the day into it chew by chew, my jaws grew weary from their work. I was chomping on gum for pleasure but my pleasure waxed to pain. Have you ever noticed the longer you chew a piece of gum, the harder it gets?

A certified people pleaser, nothing upsets my soul more than conflict. I can chew on misplaced, harsh or angry words for hours. The longer I chew, the harder it gets.


Each bite of instant replay moves forgiveness farther from my reach.
Each taste of concern over my phrasing turns my focus away from God.
The longer I chew, the more bitter my world becomes.


Conflict is inevitable so how can we communicate with others without making a midnight snack of our conversation?


Accept Responsibility


We own what we say. By taking full responsibility for our words we move from reaction mode to response. A reaction is a thoughtless, involuntary retort. A response is a God-directed, well-thought reply.


Move Toward Reconciliation


Be the first to offer forgiveness. Take the lead in healing. Leave the conversation without regret by moving toward reconciliation.


Refuse to Replay


After the conclusion of your conversation, mentally press stop. Refuse to allow your mind to dissect and dwell on every exchange. Allow grace to cover your mind and your conversation.


When we stop chewing, joy fills the spaces of our heart. We will leave the conversation, go out in joy and be led by peace.


What are you chewing on today? What would be required for you to spit it out?

Learning to Fight Well

Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

James 3:18

My husband pursues conflict. I avoid it. His style is straight forward and direct. Mine is evasive.


I knew early on in our marriage, we would struggle if I didn't learn how to effectively have conflict with my spouse. I had to acknowledge that peacemaking wasn't the absence of conflict it was the ability to work through conflict to a resolution. Committed to the process, I adopted three strategies to aid in the conflict process.


Time


I wake first thing in the morning ready to engage. My hubby drinks the morning in slowly over coffee. If I chose the first moments of my day for discussion, it would be poorly timed. The timing of a talk needs to happen when you are both alert and engaged. For us that's often when we are alone on a walk just after dinner or perhaps while running mid-morning. 


Tone


Much of the time I have an even, pleasant tone when interacting with my family. However, conflict tends to make me silent or overly combative. My hubby wants to interact with his spouse - the usual one. I need to select a tone that matches my love and commitment to him. So silence or anger are out.


Temperament


If I'm feeling grouchy it's not a good time to having a serious discussion. Scott and I adhere to the HALTS principle. If we're hungry, angry, lonely, tired or sick, our temperament is not suited to conflict. Our time will be more effective if we wait until we are on the even keel.


What are some conflict management techniques that have worked for you? Share yours in a comment below!
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