Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.
James 3:18
My husband pursues conflict. I avoid it. His style is straight forward and direct. Mine is evasive.
I knew early on in our marriage, we would struggle if I didn't learn how to effectively have conflict with my spouse. I had to acknowledge that peacemaking wasn't the absence of conflict it was the ability to work through conflict to a resolution. Committed to the process, I adopted three strategies to aid in the conflict process.
Time
I wake first thing in the morning ready to engage. My hubby drinks the morning in slowly over coffee. If I chose the first moments of my day for discussion, it would be poorly timed. The timing of a talk needs to happen when you are both alert and engaged. For us that's often when we are alone on a walk just after dinner or perhaps while running mid-morning.
Tone
Much of the time I have an even, pleasant tone when interacting with my family. However, conflict tends to make me silent or overly combative. My hubby wants to interact with his spouse - the usual one. I need to select a tone that matches my love and commitment to him. So silence or anger are out.
Temperament
If I'm feeling grouchy it's not a good time to having a serious discussion. Scott and I adhere to the HALTS principle. If we're hungry, angry, lonely, tired or sick, our temperament is not suited to conflict. Our time will be more effective if we wait until we are on the even keel.
What are some conflict management techniques that have worked for you? Share yours in a comment below!
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